I need you, I need you here I need you now, I need security somehow.

Hey llamas.

Today's been rather interesting...I'll try to get back to that blog on Philippians I promised earlier in the week. I've got a little time right now before bio starts, so I'll jump on it now.

Bible study today was somewhat odd. Dave was like twenty minutes late because of a test and I started thinking about leading myself, but I wasn't sure if I should, figuring he might show up at any second. He's talked about me leading before, but I'm nowhere near as good at leading discussions as he is. I can't really think of anything to say fast enough. I guess all I really need is a good question or two...we wound up waiting for him to arrive, and then when he finally he did he was all loopy and unprepared so he had me give it a shot, but even though I was more prepared, I was pretty loopy too...

I've been trying lately to try to watch how more experienced leaders talk. I want to learn to emulate what really works to get people talking and sharing and the like. So it didn't work at all today but maybe I'll try again sometime. I did at least talk, which is a step above last time...

Anyways...

I should have a ton of new fiction coming y'all's way. In class today and tuesday we did some really interesting prompts. A prompt in creative writing is where the teacher gives an idea like "write about an empty glass" and then we do so. This where some of my recent writing has come from...most of which I guess y'all haven't read.

I just turned in a remixed version of Adam. I might post the reworked version of the story soon, or at least the first three chapters, which is what I turned in. Chapter four still needs some love, but I'm hoping to get it up to par soon.

I've also pretty much decided what to do with Adam. As I believe I mentioned before, it's going to be the first of four short stories that tie together, the next of which is aptly titled "Cain". The latter two are going to be a bit different. I'm going to completely overhaul an older story called "Vivisection" and begin work on a new story called Atom, which is really going to build off some of the themes I explored in Adam in a less restricted manner.

I don't know if I ever talked about it, but "The Day that Disappeared" which was going to be my third story before I decided to use "Vivisection" has been put on hold. The Day That Disappeared was about a dude who could travel back or forward in time if he had the newspaper corresponding to that day...and then he gets like trapped and he has to find the newspaper for a day where all the papers are missing... The plot for it got too complicated for a short story, so I decided to hold off.

Oh yes, and this project is going to be called "Four Flights Up" referencing the, er, fourness of it and a line from the last short story.

And!! I've got some FINISHED short fiction for like the first time ever, even some flash fiction (250 words or less). And! A few new poems.

So. I'll post some of my new writing soon...I don't want to write too long a blog today so I better jump right in to the verses before I forget every word I ever thought...lucky for me I write so much down...

"Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure."

-Philippians 2:12-13

Well, today in bible study we discussed different translations of the bible, so I decided to look up a few alternatives. The King James, NASB, and ESV all say "work out your own salvation". The Message says "be energetic in your life of salvation, reverent and sensitive before God" and the NLT says "work hard to show the results of your salvation".

It's this idea in particular that caught my eye when I first read through the chapter. It totally threw me for a loop, which is why I jumped ahead two verses to the bit about grumbling and questioning.

What does it mean to work out your own salvation?

I didn't know...until we talked about the verses earlier in the week...

I have a tendency to condemn myself, to the point of self-destruction. I've noticed that condemnation can sneaky in the way it creeps into my life, because sometimes even though I'm living in the awareness that Christ died for failings, I still view myself through a lens of condemnation. Sometimes I forget that God is still working in me to change me, and I let what I think about myself and what I think others think about me decide how I live my life.

But if I do this, if I focus on my own judgments about myself, then I can't be aware of what works God would have me do, and I can't grow in my faith. It takes an outward, God-centered focus to be able to change, so through self-condemnation, I'm trapping myself in the very thing I'm getting upset about.

This is why working out your own salvation is so important. I need to live in constant awareness of the fact that I am saved and forgiven, and that I am going to be sanctified in the image of Jesus. We need to be energetic in our life under grace, and work hard to show the world what it means to be a Christian. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus!

There you are. My brain is now officially fried, and I have bio in a few minutes...hopefully that all makes good and perfect sense.