Adventures in Splitting Myself In Five

I haven't succeeded yet.

New Poem

I wrote another new poem today. I think I like it quite a bit, but you are welcome to judge it however you see fit. Today I wrote, watched Toy Story 3 with my little sisters, and wrote some more. All I want to do today is write. I haven't gotten very far on chapter five of my current work, but I did make a little progress. Anyways, without further delay, here is the poem.

"Dance With Your Eyes Closed"

Life is a pattern I never understood,
Lessons just sweep me off my feet,
leave me dazed and without understanding,
Love is elusive as morning fog,
feels close but you can never touch it.

But I gave up on getting it right,
Gave up perfect perfect perfect,
I just hold to what I know,
everything trustworthy and true,
and follow the stories
wherever they lead
down every rabbithole,
through every castle in the clouds

Maybe I'm dancing with my eyes closed,
walking into traffic without looking
but no car is going to hit me,
I walk through life blindfolded,
but I never lose my way

I'll walk across the coals,
leap off every cliff,
give up everything I own
and far more besides,
but if there's one thing I could never do,
it's turn back, give in, let go

You may think me a fool,
you can laugh all you like,
but I know you'll never find your way either,
till you put on that blindfold
and dance with your eyes closed.

Adventures in Lactose Intolerance

After weeks of randomly getting sick and not being able to figure out why, I decided to try something a little different. I cut out dairy, wondering if I might not be lactose intolerant suddenly.

Turns out I was right.

Once I cut back on milk, my problems vanished pretty much instantly. This wouldn't be such a big deal for the most part, except that I am a shameless coffee addict, and I have always, always always had my coffee with whole milk. At Starbucks, my favorite drink is a cafe misto, which is coffee and steamed milk.

But no longer.

Now I just get plain black coffee, until I can find something else that's dairy free. Let me tell you how to drink coffee black. You have to ease into it. I'm still not quite there yet. At first I mixed coconut milk with whole milk, then I switched out the whole for half and half, and now I just put a teeny amount of coconut milk, with a little sugar and sometimes vanilla.

Now you may ask... what about other dairy products?! Well, none of them are as bad as milk (it has do with a specific thing called Lactose, milk has more of it), but I do have to cut back on cheese and ice cream and such a little bit. Ice cream's not bad since I've never been a big fan, but cheese???

CHEESE I TELL YOU IS IN EVERYTHING EVER MADE.

EVER.

I work near a Whole Foods (natural grocery store) and I go there a lot to get my lunch. Last week I went, and without thinking bought a snack and spaghetti stars. Both, it turned out, had cheese. I didn't even think about it until I was walking back. I'd been avoiding getting anything heavy with dairy, only to wind up with three things (counting tea with a little milk) that had it.

Noodles and company?

My family came home last night with dishes that were ALL cheese.

And when I went to the grocery the other night, I bought a reese's cup and goldfish. I knew the Goldfish would have cheese, but I didn't think it would be a big deal until I looked at the list of ingredients and realized... Reeses have milk. I'd done it again.

You know what else has cheese?!

Pizza...

Chipotle burritos the way I've always gotten them...

Every dish my parents make...

But. I'm not complaining. I can still eat cheese. I say this only to highlight the pervasiveness of cheese. I never noticed how much I consume until I started paying attention. I used to even eat it with my chips and salsa, one of my favorite snacks.

So llamas, the next time you drink a tall glass of milk, or slurp up your cereal... or dump obscene amounts of creamer into your deliciously wonderful cup of coffee, think of me.

You're a ray, ray, ray, you're a sunbeam ray

Brief update:

I finished chapter four of Child of Thunder. Loving the story so far. I also have been getting inspiration for some of my other, older stories. I wish I had time to write them all! I've also been getting ideas for a new story that I think is going to be called the Spring Life. It was going to be a short story but as I thought it over I realized it would be much better given proper breathing room.

I think it would work best if I could split myself in five. Then I would write Child of Thunder, The Unstoppable, The Red Elevators, The Sleepless Inferno, and the Spring Life at the same time. :( As it stands, sadly, there is only one of me, but that probably isn't going to stop me from trying... I'll post new writing soon!!

As to publishing That Hideous Slumber... I still haven't tried yet. I know! I'm such a slacker about publishing. It's time I'd rather spend writing! But. I found some agents I thought might be good. I just need to write and send out a few query letters. I was going to do so last week, but I realized there was a problem with all italics I used in THS, so I have to go back and do some heavy editing. I want my story all prepared before I send anything out, so that I have can have a manuscript ready to go if they ask for one.

Later llamas!!

PS... I'll try to update more often.

Currently listening:

-Eisley -- "The Valley"
-Radiohead -- "Ok Computer"
-Abandon Kansas -- "Ad Astra Per Aspera"
-Thom Yorke -- "The Eraser"
-Lecrae -- "Rehab"

Recent reads:

-"The Endless Knot" -- Stephen R. Lawhead
-"Legacy of the Force: Tempest" -- Troy Denning
-The Walking Dead, vols 1-4

The Frog Prince

"The Frog Prince"

It is a universally accepted collation that frogs and kissing go together like bees and honey, pigs and mud, beer and protuberating guts. However, it was not always so. Once upon a time, there was a frog.

And he was just that.

A frog.

No amount of smoochery was ever going to change that, despite his direst of wishes. The frog had been told that if a fair maiden would only kiss him on the lips, with no regard to his ugliness, or basic sanitation, or plain old fashioned common sense, he would transform into a beautiful maiden himself. Not ideal, perhaps, but better than being a frog, he'd assumed.

This frog, this humdrum ordinary frog with strange wishes in his head, was swimming in the Nile one day when he saw a fairly convenient fair maiden playing with a golden ball by the shore.

As the frog watched, too shy to beg for a kiss, the girl dropped the ball into the Nile. "Oh dear me," she cried. "That river is full of crocodiles, I'll never see my ball again."

At this, the frog saw his opportunity. Heedless of the crocodiles swimming all around him, he dove deep and snatched the ball from amongst the silt and pebbles. None of the crocodiles were in the slightest tempted to eat him, because they were french crocodiles, and had recently had their fill of frog in the finest of Parisian restaurants.

The frog burst from the water with a splash, frightening the fair maiden. She did not know what to make of the little frog, until she saw her treasure caught in his webbed grip. "Oh!" She cried. "You saved my golden ball that I dropped into those crocodile-infested waters just as you happened to swim by!"

"That I did," the frog declared with flourish, bowing low. "And I shall return it to you on one condition. I must... have..." Now that the moment was upon him, the poor frog was more shy than ever. "a..."

"YES?" The girl replied a bit impatiently. The fair maiden was in fact a princess, and not terribly used to anything being withheld from her.

"a... smooch," he finished in a veritable whisper.

"A what? A smooch? You want me to kiss you?" The increasingly befuddled girl was absolutely mortified. "But... you're a frog. And I'm... not. And why would you call it a smooch? That's just creepy."

At this the frog blushed, his dreams shattered. He hung his head low, but something in him made him cling to hope. Rather than give up, he wrapped his tongue around the little golden orb in his hands and devoured it.

"There," he said, a little more confident. "Now you can't be rid of me without losing your treasure." The frog was certain if the girl got to know him, she'd pucker up without hesitation.

But it wasn't so.

"Fine. Yes. Please. Come home with me." She grabbed him roughly by one leg and carried him all the way home to her castle... a castle built entirely out of skittles. This was no ordinary princess but Princess Hannah, daughter of the Skittle King, who lived in the clouds. Princess Hannah did not see her father often, only when an extraordinarily fat person sat on a rainbow, necessitating a repair. Until the rainbow was fixed, it would relentlessly rain skittles down on the unsuspecting world. Sometimes Hannah would run out into the skittles and make skittle angels, their scent reminding her of her often absent skittle dad.

The servants at the castle greeted Hannah as cheerfully as they could, but it was clear she was in a foul mood, angry with the frog for devouring her golden ball. When she got to her personal chambers, she tossed the frog into her bathtub.

"Spit it out at once!" She demanded.

"Give me a kiss!" the frog replied calmly.

"Spit!"

"Kiss!"

At this the wide-eyed chambermaid, who had been straightening up the princess' rooms, quickly vacated. She was never seen in the kingdom of Skittlonia again. She would remember that moment as a defining time in her life, and indeed she left not a moment to soon. For had she stuck around, likely it is she would have been scarred for life.

The princess relented first, desperate to be reunited with her treasure. "You... promise to spit it out... if I give you a... smooch?"

The frog, spirits buoyed by the nearness of his victory, stood up on two legs. "Madame, not only shall I return it, but I am certain your kindness will be rewarded further somehow."

This Princess Hannah pondered with deep ponderance. So great was her pondering that her brow furrowed and her bowels churned. She had heard once a story, of a fair maiden kissing a frog and having it turn into a handsome goose. This she desired more than anything, for goose eggs were her favorite breakfast snack.

"Alright... but no tongue... I beg you." She let the frog sit on her hand and raised him to her lips. The frog puckered his lips in anticipation, and the girl closed her eyes, bracing herself for the horror that was to come.

And then... it was over. One moment they'd been kissing, the next such a thing was no longer possible. The frog was not transformed into anything handsome, man, goose or otherwise. As he'd expected, he'd transformed into a beautiful woman.

"That's a bit disappointing," he muttered, examining himself, and his new dress.

"You think YOU have a reason to be disappointed?" Hannah cried.

She had in fact become a goose.

THE END



Author's Note: I called this story "The Frog Prince" because I borrowed heavily from the Grimm's fairy tale of the same name. However, in most original versions, the frog had to sleep on the princess' bed, or be thrown against a wall, in order to transform. The origin of the idea of kissing the frog is actually a mystery. I was going to stick with throwing it against the wall (with the kissing only included as a gag) but the ending just sort of came out, and I ran with it.