Jesus, you have carried me, when I could not stand

Written around 2:00-

Wow! I just got out of my elevator devotions today, and it was incredible.

First...

At the bible study today, we talked about spending time with God versus studying Him. I wrote a bit, but didn't really join in, but I liked the discussion that went on...my thinking is that both are extremely important (we were all pretty agreed on that...) and that one should sort of flow out of the other. As we study God, we should be provoked to want to spend more time with Him, and as we spend time with God, then we should want to study and know more about Him!

Written around 4:00-

Sorry for the disjointed thoughts...I logged off in the middle of a blog (something I actually do frequently) to go to creative writing but then...I just didn't feel like going, because the last class was really boring...so I wound up talking to Vannah for a little while and then I tried to go to class and played in the snow a bit, then I actually went to class a little late and we talked about some boring poems for awhile and class let out. But it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I did enjoy it. Our creative writing class is a rather eccentric group of people. I guess that should make perfect sense, since writers tend to be pretty odd. I'm no exception! But the discussions today were still a little boring, but I stayed after and had a pretty good discussion with the teacher. I'll have to post In the Dirt pretty soon. He said it would work for me to hand it in for the first assignment. I'm not sure how long it's going to run, though...

Whoa, I am totally off topic!!

Back to the bible study, I was really provoked to look at the shape of my devotions, and whart I actually DO in my quiet times. I never really thought about it much before, but they're totally focused on study, and what I can learn, not spending time with God, and just being still.

Ha, I'm never still...I have a hard time sometimes just focusing on my reading, but today I was chilling in my elevator, and I was about to whip out my bible, when instead I decided to do things a little differently. I put "Carried Me" my favorite recorded worship song on repeat on my eyepod and just rested my head against the side of the elevator. At first my head was a total whirlwind, and I didn't really now what I expected to happen, but I just started praying, and before I knew it, all these thoughts that totally didn't seem like me just started spilling out. "God teach me your ways, and help me to follow your path, I want your thoughts to be my thoughts, your ways to be mine..." one of my favorite Blindside lyrics "I want my heart to break for the things that make your heart break" kept coming to mind.

I'm totally not doing the experience justice. I was filled with a desire to be what God wanted from me. Words are just too cheap to totally describe it. I think I could use the word totally a few more times in this blog. All these concerns I had, God answered to all of them, and I suddenly realized he's had so, so much he's been wanting to say to me, but I've been busying myself too much to hear it...too busy reading, to busy with school and work, and whatever, and all it took was five minutes clearing my head to sweep it all away and make my path clear. I want to go back to it, and never leave, oh man...

It's funny, I was worried about someone walking in on me in the elevator (it's happened before), but God told me no one would walk in today, and I had faith that he would keep his promise and nobody would interupt. Nobody did, but if they had, they would have probably been a little freaked out, walking in on a college student sitting on the floor underneath the handrail, hand in the air.

After a few minutes of just sort of communing with God, I really, really wanted to read my bible and read with a passion I'd not had before. That's the tie in, I guess...I didn't really have any purpose when I started writing this blog, but I just realized that what I wrote during study wound up being my experience. But not of my own volition, of course. If I were left to my own devices, I would just be reading whatever new story comes along. There's usually a bit of resistance to my studying. I do my devotions regularly, but it's sort of a wrestling match, me versus my flesh, until today. Studying is important, but without spending time with God, it just becomes a drudgery. In the same way, spending time with God can't sink in and form a foundation without the Word backing it up...